Back From the Desert

This was the longest reservist training I have ever been on. But it was a welcome break. Mostly physical exertions and very little mental exertion. Perhaps the SOPs have already been so well ingrained that we could do our jobs in our sleep.

Things I learnt from the desert:

1. Never... ever... go to Rockhampton for holidays - you could finish the tour in 10 minutes.

2. Always... always check your boots / shoes / clothes for insectoid visitors that may have taken up residence. I found 2 scorpions, 3 spiders and a mystery insect I could not identify.

3. Never play around with mystery insects. The one I found sleeping in my boots could spray something nasty from its butt.

4. Kangaroos can be suicidal. One in particular insisted on calmly hanging around the bombardment area. It was splatter soon after. Kangaroo splatter really stinks.

5. In a tank, and when an animal suddenly crosses your path, the rule is to go straight through them and clean the tank afterwards. This has been ingrained into my head after 30 days of maneuvers. So be careful when I am driving and you decide to jaywalk into my path.

6. 30 days without mental stimulation can drive a person nuts. My driver decided to start catching and classifying poisonous spiders on day 15. My gunner decided the tank turret was highly entertaining and started trying using it to swipe passing wildlife. By day 30, we had a broken down turret, and 28 spiders in different ziplock bags.

7. Spiders are pretty flammable.

8. 28 spiders in one ziplock bag will kill each other in a royal rumble. The black widow is a small spider, but it could survive the longest in a royal rumble.

9. Wallabies like to shit together with you when you are in the bush.

10. Scorpions are not particularly flammable.

11. Beware to NSmen who have excess diesel and matches. Everything becomes a science lesson on combustability.