Performance Reviews

Its performance review time again.
As a free Kungfuhamster service, these are excepts from actual performance reviews done in the USA. Feel free to use them in your own work reviews.

• "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig."
• "His men would follow him anywhere but only out of morbid curiosity."
• "This associate is really not so much a has-been, but more of a definitely won't be."
• "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."
• "When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change feet."
• "He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."
• "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
• "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."
• "This employee should go far -- and the sooner he starts, the better we'll be."
• "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
• "This employee should not be allowed to breed."
• "This man has the whole six pack but is missing the plastic thingy that holds them all together."
• "He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless."
• "He doesn't have ulcers, but he is a carrier."
• "He's been working with glue too much."
• "He would argue with a signpost."
• "He has a knack for making strangers immediately."
• "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."
• "Is apparently very careful with equipment, as his tools show very little signs of wear."